El inicio:Tomar consciencia/The beginning:became aware

Me aterraban los cambios y aunque internamente sabía que no estaba demasiado conforme con mi vida y que deseaba cambiar algunas cosas, era más el miedo de perder la seguridad aunque me diera insatisfacción que abrirme al cambio.
I used to be terrified of the mere idea of changing my life, and although internally I knew that I wasn't happy with how things were going in my life and that I wanted to change some things, I preferred the security of my old life, however unhappy it might have been, to opening myself up to the possibility of change.

Mi vida seguía las pautas de otros, de las situaciones externas, de lo ajeno a mí. No me escuchaba, no me atendía, no tenía tiempo para eso. No era feliz. Ni con mi trabajo, ni con mis relaciones, ni con nada de lo que me rodeaba, ni conmigo. Hasta que vino un parón drástico a mi vida (después de varios avisos anteriores), un pequeño infarto, que me advirtió que no iba por buen camino. Y empecé a ser consciente de que tenía que empezar a cambiar, de que por mucho que lo evitara antes, había llegado el momento de decidir continuar con mi vida hasta ahora o retarme a hacer esos cambios.

Esto sólo es el principio de un largo recorrido, me tomó su tiempo tomar consciencia de cómo estaba mi vida y qué quería cambiar de ella, dónde me encuentro y dónde me gustaría encontrarme, pero no sólo eso, también tomar conciencia de quién soy yo, cuál es mi esencia, mi misión.

Me imaginé que si no tuviera preocupaciones económicas ni limitaciones, qué es lo que me gustaría, ¿qué vida querría llevar?

Es un camino difícil y de mucho aprendizaje, pero siendo consciente de ello ahora, me siento capaz de ser firme en que lo que deseo porque sale desde dentro, no me lo ha dictado nada ni nadie de afuera.

¿Se ha dado un momento o momentos en tu vida donde sientes interiormente que necesitas cambiar?¿Has tenido un punto de "parón", un punto de inflexión en tu vida donde hayas tenido que tomar consciencia de ella?

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I was living my life according to the rules and standards of everybody else (in my job, in my family, etc.), that is to say everybody else's standards, but not my own. I never listened to myself; I never catered to my own needs; I didn't have time for that. I wasn't happy: not with my job, not with my relationships, not with anything around me, not even with myself. It wasn't until I received a drastic "wake-up call" (after several previous incindents that warned of an imminent disaster): I had something very similar to a stroke which served as my final warning that I was on the wrong path in life. After experiencing this trauma, I began to be aware that I had to start changing my life, no matter how much I had been opposed to that in the past. The moment had arrived where I had to decide if I would continue living as I had been up until that time, or if I would challenge myself to make those changes which I had previously feared to make.

This was only the beginning of a long process, and it took some time before I fully became aware of how my life was going and what I wanted to change, where I was and where I would like to be; but not only that, but also who I was, what was my essence, and what was my mission in life.

I imagined that if I didn't have any economic worries or limitations, what would I like to do and what kind of life would I like to have?

This journey is a difficult one, and one in which many lessons must be learned, but having undertaken it, I now feel competent to be firm and decisive with regard to what I want because it comes from within, and not from anything or anybody extermal.

Have you reached the place in your life where you feel inside that you need to make some changes? Have you experienced your own "wake-up call" or other warning signs in your life that have forced you to confront this need for change?